Life is like a...

2012....

2012-02-14T04:37:00.003+08:00

Whao.. been a long time since i actually used this blog. Totally forgot about it back in 2009. Been reading through all the past post and realize there are a lot of good memories that are written here.

2009 was my last post and it was about 6 months till i ORD from my national service. 3 years has since passed since then and i have already been called back for 2 reservist and gotten my Diploma in Travel, Tourism and Hospitality management from MDIS. Well technically i have gotten it as i had to retake a module last Saturday. Hopefully i passed the module or i would have to re-module and its a super waste of time and money.

After the paper on Saturday, i have been thinking of going to Aussie to continue my studies. Stepping into a new country, a new culture and new place is a big step. No idea if i will be able to cope with the new environment.

Been almost almost 9 years since my dad passed away. Growing up without a father figure has been kinda rough. No one in the family understand stuffs from a guys perspective, thus bringing alot of conflicts between me and my family. Despite all the conflicts, i still love my family. We are still related by blood and nothing can change that. Just sometimes i wished they would understand. Miss you loads dad where ever you maybe, wish you were here to give me advices when i needed em. Or just had someone i could have a men to men talk over some drinks. But well, life still goes on.

R.I.P Ron Lai...

P.S I know a few people actually had this blog adderess when i created this but i doubt they even use blogs anymore. If those of you who happen to still have this and saw my post on my FB and came here. Hello to you and lets meet up soon.

6 more weeks to ORD!!

2009-11-02T01:31:00.002+08:00

Finally my service as an NSF is almost ending. Just 6 more weeks left till i ORD. Been clubbing a lot this few weeks. Mainly due to the stress that is building up at my work place. APEC event is piling all my work up like a mountain. Hope it finishes quickly so i can relax before i ORD. Even my understudy is not confirmed. So hopefully they are able to find one to come with the coming intake so i have time to teach him the stuffs there. His gonna have a hell of a time keeping up with the things.

So many stuffs have been happening recently, what happens when two good friends fall for the same person? Who backs off? The one that knew the person first? Or the one who is not so close to the person backs off? Will chasing the person spoil the relationship of the two good friends??

Matters of the hearts are so complicated. So many stuffs happened but i did not have a clue what happened till now. Lucky not to be dragged into the complicated stuffs? Or just ignored cause my opinions did not matter. Haha, o well does not matter as its all over no point looking back. Look forward to the future, but for me its real bleak. I do not know where i wanna go and study once i am done with my Service, no idea what i wanna do in the future.

Another major milestone of my life is coming up....

National Day

2009-08-09T23:26:00.000+08:00

Woah, National Day is here again. Been years since i went to watch the fireworks. Haha, i guess the older you get the more you prefer to watch the fireworks in the comfort of the sofa at home haha. Somthing funny happened on thurs while i was at work man. This reservist asking me about my age and when i revealed that i was only 20 he was stunned, he said he thought i was 28. Lolz. WTF man do i look that old. Sad man.

Caught GI joe on friday, quite a nice show. Though the story line abit wtf, but its an action movie so cant expect much haha. It has over the top action, surperb CGI effects, and hot babes too. So whats there to complain haha.

2009-08-02T14:54:00.003+08:00

It's been a year since I last blogged. So many things have changed but one thing has not changed. For three years I have not been able to put away my feelings of past relationship. I don't know what I have been holding on to or why have I been holding on. Maybe there are some regrets I have in the past. All these time i have been wondering where would we be if we had handled things differently in the past. Would my life be different? For the worse? Or for the better?

Whats done is done so I'll just treasure those times in the past. Glad your doing well now, i am happy that we managed to meet up a few days back. For a moment, it felt like the past. But somehow i knew it was different. Anyhow, glad it happened.

Have been serving NS for about 1 year and a half now. Actually its more then that but whats most important is that its almost over. On 12/12/09 i will finally be a free man and a new chapter of my life will begin. Well its been a good run. Going into a world govern by the military. Working in a environment that is a stranger to me. Where a slight mistake would cause a chain event to happen. Finally its almost over. And once its over i got to start thinking of what to do in my life again. Actually i should start doing that now. Thinking about my future. What kind of job will i be in. What kind of person i want to be. Till now i am still lost in what kinda future i want to have.

I wonder what it would be to have a dad at this time of my life. During the whole time my dad was in hospital, i was so sure that he would be ok. The day before the doctor told us that he had a fever and to be prepared, i had went to the hospital to visit him. He looked at us but was too weak to speak due to medication. He looked fine, who would have thought he would get a high fever that very night and be pronounced brain dead. I have always been thinking, if i had visited him more often, had spoke to him more while he was in hospital, would the outcome be different? If he was still here, what advices would he give? Ever since he passed away. I have always told myself to be strong as i had to look after my sis and did not want my family to worry about me. Only on the day of his death did i break down in front of my family. Only one person has seen me breakdown because of my dad's death. Its difficult keeping stuff hidden deep inside not letting people know. Even thou the family is doing fine, i can feel that its different, without my dad in this family. Its very different. How i wished i had someone who knew how i felt and had someone to share the burden with.

Sometime back Michael Jackson passed away. Affected the whole world. Everywhere i went i kept hearing his songs. I guess in everyone's heart, MJ songs have a special place. MJ songs reminds me of my family in the past, before my dad passed away. His songs were kinda like a bond we all shared. Songs of MJ would always be playing, weather it be in the car while traveling, or at home playing on the karaoke set. But ever since he passed away, live has been so quiet... too quiet... One particular song i kept hearing was "You are not alone". Not surprised that as its a very touching song.

The first verse of the song means alot to me. Kinda relates how i feel all this time. Both towards the death of my dad, and my past relationship

Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

2008-07-23T00:47:00.003+08:00

Life is getting so boring for me now.. feel so bored at work too. Everyday doing the same old things, cant talk much about it on the blog as i may get charged for it.. kinda sucks.

Why is it when i tell people that my work sucks, i always get replies that police is very slack. Even thou the job is not as physically tiring as in the SAF or SCDF but its equally tiring mentally. I get calls from a friend of mine who keeps on telling me that a person is in a camp at tekong and thats his very ke lian. So my life in HTA was not ke lian? Because i got to book out every week?? Because i got to have free time from after 5?? What about the exams? The classes that we had? Haiz... I dunno bah..

Police training may not tbe physically tiring like the ones in SAF and SCDF, i respect those people that been throu those, but we in the Police force also went throu another kind of training. And its equally tiring, althou not physically but mentally...

2008-06-18T19:22:00.003+08:00

A few days back during the IT show, my Desktop broke down. So i went down to have a look at the laptops there. And i finally got the macbook pro!! Its gonna create a super big hole in my pocket man. But o well, i think its worth it cause this is gonna last me for a super long time. Have not been blogging lately, nothing much to blog about actually, lolz. Dont think much ppl visit this blog, only can think of a hand full tat comes here. Everyday i go to work at PKTC, finish work come home do nothing, and wait for the nxt day to go back to work. kinda no life. Lolz.

Todae after work, i met my good brother wei ling in bus 52. Lolz, been super long since i met up with the guys from 5/1 already. Hope to meet up with em soon. Well, hopefully this weekend i can find some activity. If not i will be damn bored.

Friends, Family, Life, Endless Love.

2008-04-24T03:22:00.002+08:00

Life has been quite good for me, passing out from tracom on the 7th of may. Hopefully i'll get a good posting. The future for me is kinda hazy atm, not sure what i wanna do in the future. Weather getting a diploma throu part time studies while serving NS or signing on to the police force with a N lvl cert. I do not know. Only know thing thats clear in my mind is all about the past, stuffs that i miss doing. Being a "regular kid". Carefree life, dont have to care about the future, no need for planning of financial stuffs. Life where i had a mum and dad to turn to whenever i wanted to. Seems like life now changes so quickly. Friends growing up, families weather immediate or distant going into a new chapter of thier life.

Went through youtube the other day and found a very classical song which i have listened to countless of times as it was one of my dad's favourite. I did not understand since i was still young why he kept listening to it all day. But as we all grow up, our understanding for things also grows. After 10 years down the road, i finally understand why he liked the song.

Endless love, for my family, my cousins, my friends and my loved ones. Hope you guys enjoy this song. It goes out to all you guys.

Endless Love

Life in NS...

2008-02-24T19:51:00.002+08:00

Life in NS

Its been kinda long since i blogged here since i went into NS. Life in NS really sucks man. Typing this before i book in. Before i leave my house and head to camp for another week of hell. Its boring as hell and the stuff we do inside is always the same.

The conditions inside is not so good also, every time i am spend the night in the bunk, i will always get sore throat as the bunk is super dusty no matter how you clean it. And well, because of that i got rashes on my thighs i guess. No idea how it got there too.

Trying to make it a point to blog here whenever i can but i guess times is super limited for me during the weekends. Sat most prob i will spend time going out, catch movies with my friends, dinner gathering and there goes my sat. Sunday morning I'll be playing basketball with my brothers then after that 6 hours later i must be back in camp. So here i am now. Sitting in front of my monitor wearing my white shirt and blue pants waiting for time to pass to head back to camp.

Well thats all for now i guess its about time i shut my pc down until i come back. So guys take care, signing out.

2007-12-11T02:46:00.001+08:00

Tonight is the night before my enlistment into the SPF, all of a sudden. I feel that time passes so quickly. Packing my stuffs while thinking back at all those times i kept saying "aiya not so soon la. still got 1 month plus". haha well tat one month plus is over and here i am now. counting the hours before i go into a new chapter of my life. Gonna miss my life tat i have. and all those good friends while i am in there. haha hopefully, what the booklet writes is true, after 2 weeks of in camp training i will be out of there on sat and sun, but think it only applys for the normal ippt only tat includes the original intake. haha well i can hope right.

well to the person who asked me out today, not sure if u will look here anymore but anyways, i had wanted to meet u so so badly. its hard to forget an event like this you know? its a moment of my life that i wont forget, how it felt, all we went throu. if u did not ask him along, i would have gladly went. but well, i do not know y u asked him along, and ask me along. maybe u jus asked me cause u wanted to go out with him but felt wierd and i was there just to break the ice of the wierdness. i do not know. hopefully everything goes right for you. and when i come out, you'll change into a better person.

and to another person whom has been in my mind all these few months, thou we are not as close as we used to be last time. you still hold a special place in me. thx for introducing me into the church, without you i would not have been able to get by the hard times i had a long time ago. would not have met the great group of ppl at FCBC. just thank you very much. i know you dont come to this blog and look but well, i just have to get all these out of me before i go in. Dont think i can ever sleep well tonight. All the nervousness is killing me. hopefully we will still keep close contact and well, hope to see u soon.

and to my church friends, well thou there are alot of stuffs we do not have in common, its great to be around u guys and hang around doing nothing. lolz.

and most importantly, my brothers and sisters, from cool0z7, and outside of cooli0z7. Well, i am a guy who treasures friends alot, hate to lose em. so well yea maybe most of u guys dont know lolz. who knows. haha. i keep a low profile dont i? gl with your studies and when i have leave we all meet up go party ok! and cooli0z7 enjoy your chalet. BB guys, don injure yourself. gonna jio u all for basketball the moment i come out.

and to those few friends whom i have not chatted with em for a long time, joelle, biyun, jesslyn, song, ken, wendy, meet up soon ya? haha.

Die la die la, getting so emo haha. Think i better stop, well dont let catch u guys on the streets! i will make it a point to check your IC or i will bring u go drink kopi! haha.

2007-11-02T18:44:00.000+08:00

Whao, its been a long time since i blogged. Haha.

Not much has changed, xecpt that i am going for a short trip to taiwan from the 10-15 nov. Hope its gonna be fun. Do keep track of this blog as i will try my best to update while i am at taiwan and hopefully get some pictures uploaded.

Just a few more weeks and i'll be away for my National Service. And today i just found out that another bro of mine also got into the police force and in the same camp. What a coincidence.

Went out for lunch with Stanley and Sharon just now and just got back haha. Thankfully stanley had a car and could drive us round if not today would have been quite a slow day. Had lunch at IMM and at the ramen store and we ate a total of $80 haha. After that we went on to JP to walk around and go to POSB to check out why the money that HZ transfered to my bank has not arrived yet. Sadly i had to bring my bank book down also and i did not have it with me. Would have to do it before work tml.

2007-10-14T14:24:00.000+08:00

Sun, 14/10/2007

Yesterday was the IPOD basketball competition. And to those who do not know what IPOD means, it is not the MP3. Glad to say that we all played very well yesterday. Zhong Chi took over Nigel so i was kinda glad. Played 3 matches i think.. 1 draw and 2 wins. But it ended on a very pathetic manner. We had to decide the 1st 2nd 3rd and 4th place by free throw. Kinda dumb but anyways we got 2nd place cause non of us got a free throw haha and the opponent got it 1 lolz. What a way to end a basketball competition.

After this week a lot of my friends have started school. For the next 7 weeks i'll have to find stuff to do cause by then i'll be in NS already. Sad.

Caught a glimpsed of High School Musical 2 on Disney yesterday. The ending part where they sang the song "I gotta go my own way". It was so damn touching. Haha, suddenly wished that i had a girlfriend whom i could spend the next 7 weeks with before going into NS haha. But i guess even if i manage to find one now it would be crazy as for the next 2 years i hardly will have time haha. Seems like emo is the trend now a days. No idea why also.

To those friends that are emoing right now, cheer up :D your making me emo too. lolz.

2007-10-09T23:46:00.000+08:00

Its Tuesday today and i just got back from my night jog. Received my NS posting a few days ago and guess what. This dec i'll be gone! And the good news is that i am posted into the police acadamy. Haha just what i wanted. Goody. Need to start training already so i decided to go jogging at night. Today is the first night. Haha. Wore my leg weights to jog and could only go one lap around west coast park haha. Put i did not feel tired. My legs were super tired only. Lolz next time wont wear liaoz haha. Waste my time jogging one round haha. This coming sat is the basketball game. Hopefully we will all play well on that day and have lots of fun. And i found out that my sis has a bf and my whole family knows him xecpt for me!! How could that be. Unfair sia..

Life for me..

2007-09-28T16:13:00.001+08:00

Life for me..

Whats life for me? My life revolves around the CPU, Basketball, Work, and my bass guitar. Seems so meaningless to me. I named my blog "Like is like a..." cause its really what i feel inside of me. Life for me is like something which i cant describe, it seems meaningless but i know that life cant be meaningless. Everything happened for a reason. So whats my reason?
As i look around, i see everyone i know moving forward, but i am still here in this space of emptiness. Somehow feeling being left behind. Sounds funny right.

So whats life?
Whats the definition of life?
Whats the meaning of life?

I seem to be locked up in my own world not able to reach out to others. I feel like i am an outsider, someone different from everyone around me.

Well, in 3 weeks time me and 2 of my good brothers will be playing in a 3 on 3 basketball competition. Hopefully the 3 of us can play well on that day. At least wanna achieve something in my life. Also hopefully i get a letter for my NS soon, feel that going into NS is so much better then living in this life.

In the middle of nowhere...

Basketball...

2007-09-05T02:07:00.000+08:00

Basketball Match

So excited atm, we managed to organise a basketball match with some of our juniors on thursday. Haha, and the great thing is that we are playing at the CC behind CSS. A very nice basketball court! Kinda worried as i do not know if we as a team can actually work together and play our best. Long time since we all came together and play. And also its in the morning so i guess i'll be super sleepy. Haha. Well, wish us luck on that day and hopefully non of us gets hurt on weds, our usual basketball night, and on thursday during the match.

Teacher's day!

2007-09-01T04:26:00.000+08:00

Teacher's Day

Today was teacher's day and i went back to school with my class. The best class ever. Met quite a lot of people there and especially brings back a lot of memories. Quite a number of juniors, some i remembered, some i dont. Most of em were from my first batch of sec1s that i took. Feels great that they still remember me and i made a impact in their life. Special notice to Joelle who was concerned about my foot and sorta welcomed me to the school lolz. And to this malay boy whom i forgot his name. Was it sufian or shafiq? ha ha spelling maybe wrong also lolz. But he waved at me while i was walking around ha ha. Remember him harassing me to let him play basketball with us. Ha ha. And also today aws Mr Singh's last day in teaching carrier. Change of job for him ha ha. Come to think of it, its kinda sad as his the only teacher that thought me for 4 years, or 5 years for the rest of my class. Althou he may have wasted his efforts as we may not be able to differentiate the difference between a simile and a metaphor and i doubt we will every get it correct but i still feel that his a great teacher. Wish him all the best.

Went to watch rattaouile after that with the gang. Lolz it was damn funny! The rat is so damn cute!! Esp when its eating haha. The cheeks expand sia lolz. Nothing much to blog about now also but o well.

P.S Joelle next time remember to take pictures! Ha ha. Don't forget to wear heels too if not I'll have backache.

I have had enough of this.

2007-08-29T23:01:00.000+08:00

I have had enough of this sh!t

I've had it with my mum treating me as a little kid anymore. Always saying cannot cannot without giving me a proper reason. I understand if she does not allow me to keep a dog as big as a lab, but a jack russel? Forever saying its troublesome its troublesome, what thing in this world is not troublesome. Its not as if i do not have the time right now. I spend half the day at home sleeping. And i am not the only person in this house right now. If i am in the army I'll still be back on sat and sun. Anyone of the family could bring the dog out to walk. Around the car park will do. Grandma could treat it as some exercising, shes old and talking walks around could do her good. She keep saying that they raised three dogs in the past and it was very troublesome. The past is the past, its different from the present. In terms of financial status, and in terms of living conditions, it must have been a huge difference in the past.

If they could raise three big dogs in the past i don't see the reason why we cant raise a single small dog at our home. Precisely because my grandma has raised three dogs in the past, she would have experience in taking care of dogs and she could guide me and my sis along the way. Walking the dog i could go have a jog in the morning. I wake up as early as 7 or 8 in the morning only thinking of what can i do next. Life at home is just so sickening. No one is a home at all. If Singapore was not this small i would be running around the place going from one end to another before going back home. Getting real pissed of.

Life as it is now...

2007-08-14T05:47:00.000+08:00

Life as it is now...

Life for me now seems so meaningless, like i am drifting around looking for a meaning in my life. Sleeping time has been so weird for me, sleeping now and then in the day but awake for the whole night. Listening to a song atm, there is a line which says, "Dreams are meant for sleeping, and wishes on a star just don't come true." This line is so true, i have lots of stuffs that i hoped happened. But well, dreams are meant for sleeping, and stuffs you wish that happened always do not happen.

Well, to be honest. There is someone in my mind right now. Hopefully those who read my blog are people i can trust and wont go around gossiping or asking me who it is. I wont say it out, now that out of the way. She seems so distant but i do have some good feelings for that particular person. But i doubt i am a person whom she'll accept. Having lots of friends around her, having others who care for her, I'll just be passive and not do anything stupid which may jeopardize the friendship i have with her.

Who would like a person like me anyways? Neither successful in my life, neither good looking. All i have is a N level certificate. Thinking back, i really screwed up my life. Theres no way i can turn back time now, so i am taking things as i go by. Hopefully i will receive my letter for National Service, at least at a place away from my usual hangouts. I may forget stuffs i should forget. If i do not receive the letter by next year, i have decided. I will continue my studies. Which? I still do not know, i have 2 plans in mind. One will be to go back to shatec and study. The other will be to go take private Os, and get into Lassale. Hopefully able to make music as my career. Sounds like a dream right? Well, i can dream cant i? Maybe these will all come true, maybe not. Who knows what the future holds?

Medival Checkup

2007-07-11T10:23:00.000+08:00

Medical Checkup

Had my medical check up on monday, and i have to say it was quite fast compared to what i heard from my other friends. The only thing that took up alot of time is the test stuffs on the computer. All sort of nonsense questions they ask. Well glad its over, now gotta start training myself up to get ready for NS. Must get my lazy ass moving already cannot everyday stick onto the chair and face this screed!

These few days been real boring for me. I just feel like i lost something in life, no motivation to play music at all. Usually i'll mess around with my guitar finding some chords that sound nice together and remember em, but recently i cant seem to have the motivation anymore, and my bass has been lying there for quite some time. Something is wrong with me now.

Its wednesday morning atm, played for the whole morning and i cant get to sleep, have bass lessons today at plaza singapura, but its only a half hour lessons. Bored.. cant find anyone to go town with me to take a walk. Have someone in mind but nm.. i doubt it would happen haha. Well, hopefully i wanna get a new guitar soon as the old one is getting rusty and gonna spoil soon if i continue playing it, and the sound of the guitar is not the one i want, not my type. I want a acoustic guitar, not a classical one. Well, thats all for today. Maybe if i get inspiration from my walking around in town i'll post again tonight when i get back.

-to those who tagged my blog, thx alot!

2007-07-07T00:45:00.000+08:00

Nonsense post

Well, as you can see from my post. I annouce that i am bored! Changed my blogskin to something more refreashing rather then my old one which was dark and dull. Cleared my chat box too so who ever wants to start tagging go ahead!

Working for the past few days. Earning cash now and then, starting to save up so i can buy stuffs at the end of the year. Iphone, PS3, new graphics card for my computer. So many stuffs.

Recently some feelings from deep inside started to bottle up.. Haiz.. miserable miserable. Going into NS soon, sad. Once inside 2 years of my life gone down the drain. Also dunno when i will go in. Next week monday check up liaoz. Wonder how it will go and which grade will i be.

A Strange Coincidence

2007-06-17T23:52:00.001+08:00

A Strange Coincidence

Today was a wedding of my cousin, and well i did not go for service today as i was too tired actually and had some stuffs to do before going to the wedding. I went there with my sister, mum could not come along as she sprained her ankle and had trouble moving about. It was at shenton way, funny place to have a wedding dinner as its in the CBD. Its in a building near lau pat sa. The food was quite nice but the service was bad. Lolz, twice the waiter took our food away without us asking. Once was when there was fish head left on the plate and my aunty wanted to eat it after feeding her son, and another was a bowl of noodles tat belong to my cousin. Sucky service.

Well, like the title says, i had strange coincidence today at the wedding. Guess who i saw, Hui Min. She was my cousin's wife's calssmate. I am not very social, so i dont bumb into ppl often, so it was kinda strange too me. I guess god's trying to tell me something but i have no idea what.

Was thinking a min ago while i was reading the blogs that i know, i dont think anyone reads my blog also haah. Seems very quiet here. Maybe cause its boring haha. Well, if anyone drops by here and read it, weather it be someone i know or just a passer-by. Do tag at the chat box. Lest give me some motivition to write on.

What a day!

2007-05-11T22:59:00.000+08:00

Well, it was a great day for me. Todays plans went well, went out in the morning with my friends anc chatted with them. Crapped about alot of stuffs. And i have a friend who have such a bad sense of direction that even me walking aimlessly i actually find a way out of the place. Lolz even thou she was the one who brought us there. Haha.

At 3:30 i met fei at NYP to play basketball at his school. Alot of people were there to play basketball and something funny happen to my ankle which i had sprained a few weeks ago. It was really affecting me as long as i needed to use my ankle. Jumping, walking down steps and some others. During the first match i could not run nor jump very well. So i think i gave a really bad impression to the other team mates of mine. But, while i was playing the 2nd match. I accidently triped over someones foot and my left ankle cracked. It hurt initially but the funny thing is that my ankle was feel so much better, its not that stiff as it was before. And i could actually run and jump like i was not injured. Althou i could do all that i know that my ankle as not fully recoverd so i did not take of my ankle guard. Gotta get a new one as the old one is getting tighter, signs of me getting fat? Haha anyways played alot of good games todae, had a great team of players one and we played real well althou it was the first time we were playing. Rebounds seem to be easy to grab today and i dare to say that i had taken down most of the rebounds succesfully. And scored a few shots at the "B" and "C" spots. Well, fei fei was playing a almost perfect game too. He gained the confidence and started shooting. All his shots went in. NYP's basketball court is quite a nice court. Nice ground nice ring and nice nets.

I Thank God for this as i know its not possible to be so lucky that i tripped on someone's foot and instead of me injuring my sprain further, my sprain got better haha. And there was a crack too. Well. I think its God telling me to hang in there and not give up not matter what injuries you have, physically or emotionally, he will be there for you even if u do not know it. And he'll heal the wounds at the correct time to give u encouragements. I thank you once again Father.

Well, struggling with something within me atm.Tml is a event of a church and its kinda a big one, but i got another event that came up last min and its kinda important too.. I really wish to go for it but i really do not know what to do. Someone help me plz..

I know ah pa would ask me which is more important, God or my friends.

Its a really hard question for me now as well, God has done things for me in this life that no one can, but to me friends are important also. This friend of mine can be considered a realy good friend of mine. Confide in her with any problems in my life. Haiz.. what should i do.. i really do not know..

2007-05-08T04:25:00.001+08:00

Well, its 4 am in the morning now, woke up super early as i had quite a long nap in the morning. Planning to go for a jog later once the sun comes out. Well, during my nap i had a dream. A rather bad one i guess.

I dreamt of an old lady, no idea if it was my grandma or maybe my mum in the future. Who knows, well it was obvious that the person was very close to me as in my dream. She was very sick, and well it looks as if she could not make it or something like that. The person held my hands and i started to cry. I woke up and found out that i was really crying on my bed, and i felt my heart sinking.

Life is so unpridictable. One was my father's death. I was caught of guard. Even thou my mum had told me that my dad would not be able to make it. I did not believe her at all as the day before she told me i went to visit my dad at the hospital and he looked fine. Who would have expected that later that night he would have a fever. And currently, my PoPo is so sick till she sort of sat on the floor, near the toilet, in the middle of the night while i was watching tv and she did not have the strength to call out to me. And just now she got up to eat some biscuit and ended up coughing real bad in the toilet. Haiz.. i am so worried for her.

I am so scared at the moment, i am afraid that the dream that i had just now would come true. Haiz.. i really do not wish to attend any more funerals in my life, especially those who are close to me.

I am 18!

2007-05-03T07:00:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was my birthday, and i am finally 18. Well, celebrated my birthday earlier with my relatives and my ma ma. Not sure how old was she thou, did not ask. Well, it was a rather fun bbq. Preparing food for the whole day, friends drinking with me the night before till 4 am in the morning. Chatting about everything under the sun(or rather under the moon) for the whole night. Some pictures of the BBQ.

Mama and Me with my Mum and Aunty Uncles

My Sis and I with my other cousins. Notice the cute Boy sitting on my lap :D

This are the people whom i have grown up with. Looking back, we kids had so much fun when we were young. During gatherings we would run around, playing with anything we can get hold of. All of us have grown up so much. Even the newest addition to our group, Kit Zai the little man there, is so active. Running around, swimming and more running. Laughing no matter what happened and that cute little smile of his. He brings alot of joy to our huge family, and most of all to me MaMa.

Well, watched spiderman todae and it was a nice movie.

The plot was great as there was alot of unexpected twist in the plot. Goblin turned out good in the end, and teamed up with Spidey to fight Venom and Sandman which was another twist in the movie. Turned out that this guy who turned into Sandman was originally the person who shot Pete's uncle, notice i used shot, not killed.

Well, reason is that he was the accomplice of the other person who spidey killed in part 1. He was scared and fired the shot accidently at Ben, and well he was about to put the gun down and give up the whole robbery thing.

As for Venom, he was the photographer that tried to steal parker's job and ended up being Venom when spidey teared off the suit which was infested by the symbiont. Creating venom in the end. If you guys read the comic or seen the cartoon, Venom has one fear. Which was sound, or rather and loud sound. Well watch it for yourself and its the best.

Quite a touching movie too, had tears in my eyes in a certain part of the movie. Reminds me how important friends are and no one can live without them. A quote from the movie, "Everybody needs help," from M.J.W. Well, the 2nd part of that sentence i guess everyone heard it from the trailer of spiderman 3. Its so true. Everyone needs help no matter who they are. Even if they are your arch enemies, putting aside their differences and helping each other would do so much good to them self.

Alot of comical moments in this films also. A great mixture of romance, action and some shockers too. A few of us got caught off guard in a certain scene and the whole row shaked.

Another thing in the movie that i felt curious about was the power of love, it could turn someone good or bad. Is it that powerfull? The feeling of love is so distant from me now, ever since the previous relationship i was in i dared not put my heart out for someone. Afraid it would be dropped or scarred. Well, its just funny thing inside me. Maybe if one day, i'll meet someone whom i could open up freely too, i'll be able to do it.

I seem to type alot today, had a lot of inspiration from the movie. I also made a point to type in proper english as i found out i lack practise and find it hard to actually think if words to write. Should start blogging and practising my english. Well, i think thats it for now. Hopefully those tat drop by had a great time reading my wall of text.

Thanks for dropping by. -Ben

2007-04-26T02:16:00.000+08:00

Damn, its been a long time since i posted here. Nothing much going on in my life atm, only think new is that i e-mailed SEAB to appeal for the GCE O level exams. Hope i can take it this year as a private candidate. I really need to socialise more. Thats what i think really. O well, watching a soccer match tonight. Yea, its a big one, liverpool vs chelsea. Cant think of anything now.. so the end

2007-03-29T03:11:00.000+08:00

Whao... how time flies, the last post i blogged about was a few days before CNY and its been so long. So many things have gone by. Well, i have nothing to do atm and i cant sleep as i slept in the afternoon after playing basketball in the morning. And well, some stuffs are in my head.

Recently, i have been thinking of the past. My schooling days. Like sister said to me, how she missed being an ignorant teen. Its so true. Miss having a chat with her sometimes. So busy with JC life till hardly got time to spent with my good bro. Well, wish her all the best.

Life for me has been ok, quit my job at long beach as the area was getting real small and they did not need much people already, so atm i am looking for a new job, hopefully something in the sales area. Would like a change in environment. Hopefully can find one soon as i want to get a PS3 by june. And refurnish my room as its super messy atm.

Valentines day...

2007-02-15T02:54:00.001+08:00

Well, today is Valentines day and i spent it working. Met hao for dinner beore we went to work. Well, walking around places, seeing couples going around shopping, meeting up for dinner, all these reminds me of the past. And i suddenly remembered the stuff in my cupboard. Hao said to me tat give it to her as a friend, but i knew it was not possible. Well, its kind a emotional barrier for me. I do not know how to talk or face her. I feel its all so weird. Even after these time, those moments still stay at the back of my head. It started happily, the journey was great. But sadly, it ended in a crash.

The previous Valentines day was not a day i wished to remember, and this years Valentines day is not one i would like to remember too. Hope the next Valentines day will be a good one and hoprfully spent with my valentine. Time will tell. Untill then, i'll just wonder around waiting for the time to come.

Been a long time since i blogged.. CNY is coming soon. 3 more days. The time for relative visiting has finally come. Looking forward to visit mama again and the rest of the Lai family, Dai Po and Dai Gong. Long time since i seen them, wonder how are they. I realised that i kinda miss seeing them during new year even thou i do not know how i am related to them. Maybe its cause i am used to it. Hope this year i'll be able to see them and also spend time with my mama. Really miss her lots. Gonna show her some magic tricks i learned, shes getting old. Hope it could bring laughters to her life. And to my little cousins i have there, maybe can show em a trick or too while i am at it. Esp those who are closer to me, Pei Ying, Jia Jia, Val and Jeremy. And that cute little cousin of mine, Keat Zai. Looking forward to seeing u all during CNY.

Boring Day For Me..

2007-01-30T21:49:00.000+08:00

Today is a boring day for me.. at around 3 i went to play basketball with hao and bonson. Well it was just a short session and they both left to meat thier stead. Went home and did nothing for the whole day.. seems like everyone is busy doing thier own stuffs. O well, thinking of looking for a 2nd job as i am very free.

Just ate the dory fish which was left over from the bbq yesterday. Now i understand why the water we had finished so quickly.. the chilli was one of the spicest i have ever eaten.. started perspiering immidiately i swallowed the 2nd piece haha. Well thats about the only thing that happened today worth mentioning. Nothing else happen. Maybe i should go jog later. I'll just see my mood.

2007-01-29T00:00:00.000+08:00

Had my class BBQ today, well can say it was a successful one. Other then the part where the seafood shop was closed one that day and we had to buy our seafood from gaint. Song, Hao and Fei cycled all the way to Giant just to get the seafood. Haha, well most of the people turned up. Had an unexpected guest today, Jac, Ken's the Girlfriend. But o well guess we all know each other its alright. It was great to be able to meet up with them as a class again, the atmosphere was great. Catching up, crapping about. Playing Black Jack. All the cold jokes, and the clumsiness of the few people spilling drinks and dropping food on each other, although it should be something to be angry at but somehow it just becomes a laughing matter. Well thanks for those who turned up and hope u all had a great time. I'll try to organise these small events frequently so we'll always keep in contact ya?

Well somethings happened today that made me thought about the past, after the bbq when everyone left and i am left alone in my room. I thought of some old friends. Well, how can some people change so much that even those closest to them now feel they are total strangers. Guess that's life, you lose some, you gain some.

Was thinking of something which Pastor Doug spoke about during the BBQ. We had so much food on our tables that were not cooked. So a phrase he said struck my mind.

We do not live on food but by the word of god.

What does this phrase means? Is it telling us that although food is the item that's giving us the energy to carrying out our daily activities, it is not the one that will let us carry out our spiritual activities?? That the word of god is the only thing that can give us energy for our spiritual self? I really agree with what Senior Pastor Khong said quite long ago.

We are all smart beyond our own good.

We start to think for ourself and make decisions on our own instead of listening to God's word. We start to doubt and then start to make choices that selfishly benefit us. Well thats what i was wondering while i am staying at the 4 blanks walls of my room. Thinking of refurnishing my room and removing some cupboards and adding some things to my plain walls. Well, i'll have to wait till after CNY before doing all thses.

A Strange Coincidence

2007-01-26T23:56:00.000+08:00

Just got back from work and found out i left my computer on for the whole day. Lolz. Today at work was a very strange day. I met two people whom i knew. Lolz. One was Sharon Sin de father, and another was my senior, Cui Jing whom i met a NYP de open house(as i was half awake that day i maybe wrong. haha =P) Well shes still very friendly. Haha Surprised she knew who i was, honored haha and three of my colleges said u were pretty lolz. But i doubt she knows my name. Lolz. Anyways, tomorrow will be a busy day for me. Going to holland V de NYDC for King Kong's farewell party. Shes heading to holland for and exchange programme. No idea what that is. Anyways, wish her all the best and hope to hear from her soon. And my BBQ is finally coming. Its on this monday, so hopefully the weather will be good for us and everyone will like the food. Sadly not everyone i invited could come. But i guess its alright. Well getting kinda hungry now as Zheng hao stole half my bowl of porridge, and as it was porridge i would never get full no matter how much i ate. So i'll cook maggi mee for myself haha. Starting to work out now, doing push ups every now and then. Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day for me. O yea and i want to dye my hair! Lolz. Ash gray and a few highlights, hopefully it will look nice and not make me look like a beng. Lolz.

NYP Open House

2007-01-25T16:16:00.000+08:00

Just got back form NYP open house. Lots of people there. Lolz. Went there with jessica since i got nothing to do also and i cant sleep. Lolz. Surprisingly i am more active then i was in the morning lolz. Something is really wrong with me haha. While walking round the campus we walked past the course which i had in mind during my Secondary School days. Well, made me thought of some stuffs. Well, slacking at home atm. Helping cheryl to set up her cell blog. And its taking a very long time. I just remembered that jessica had a pen which has purple ink! Haha. I want one of those. Gonna get it from her one day lolz. Well thats all for now.

Long time since last post.

2007-01-25T07:42:00.001+08:00

Its been a long time since i posted. Dont know why but this few days i could not get to sleep at night. Sleeping at 4 or 5 am this few days. Today was the worse. For the whole night i could not get to sleep at all. Stayed awake for the whole night waiting for the time to pass till my baskbetball training. But sadly, i recieved a sms from zh that bb was canceled due to bad weather. Now i got nothing to do for the whole day.

Back from Sec 1 Orientation Camp.

2007-01-19T12:13:00.000+08:00

Just got back from the Sec 1 orientation Camp. It was so chaotic that everything we planned was scrapped off and we had to reschedule everything again, Thanks to a certain someone. Well, it started off well but as usual. Sec1s were super quiet and shy.. but once they knew each other they went wild. I just feel that this orientation camp can never compare to the ones i went through as a Sec1 and as a peer leader.

First,
We did not have enough time to bond with the sec1s, we were just like strangers just crossing into their life. Unlike the previous time where there was such a great bonding between us and our group leaders and between us the peer leader or even the games masters with the group members. This time, we had no time to bond. We did not know anyone of them. What i find missing is that they should still keep the peer leader taking the sec1s for their first day on school, and for the orientation camps. So, they see the same faces and can connect with them better, and would also know the seniors in the school at the same time.

Secondly,
Without a peer leader camp, or a training camp for the facilitators. Everyone does not know how to do this cheer, and another cheer, and so on and so fourth. Everyone is not ready or prepared to take their groups and to lead 8 classes of Sec1s. Even if the teachers are there, they cant possibly be there 24/7 with them. There are times during breaks, during meals we have time with them. If we are not prepared we cant do things to our fullest.

Thirdly,
If teachers wants us to plan for them. Let us run the programme. Not that i do not like teachers or anything but having them change anything last minute makes it very hard to us to follow the time schedule allocated.

Well, really hope the next orientation camp or what ever camp i will join will be a good one. And time is really given to us to plan out everything single thing in detail.

Overall it was a fun orientation and a memory worth remembering. The other leaders i met. The achivement of teaching the sec1s their batch song in 2 days. Well, hopfully the next camp will be as succesful as this if not more succesful. Thank god for the people who came back to help and hope that you would bless them.

Here are some pics of the camps.(I'll try to get more)

The so called "Tsunami Victims"

Zheng Hao, Cheryl and Me(Lefi To Right)

US LEADERS!!!!!

Funny clips that brighten up our life.

2007-01-12T00:23:00.000+08:00

Hey been a few days since i have blogged. Well i have put those stuff that are bothering me behind me now and moving on with my life. i found a really cute video just now and would like to share it with who ever comes here. Well as we all know babies are just adorable, well when they are young. And also laughter is contagious. Here's some video which combines both of them together. Hope u guys enjoy it as much as i do.

2007-01-07T19:43:00.000+08:00

First post encounter lesson today, morning met fei and cheryl to pass fei his flowers, ended up we were late for our lessons. Met sharon at bukit merah while walking to magic box. Learned quite a lot of new things today.

During service, things happened. And i know i should not be bothered by these but somehow i cant control myself. My mood just get affected. Did not have the mood to do anything today. Just wanted to go somewhere quiet and be alone.

Well, nothing much to post today.. not in the mood..

Why do i feel so different from how we were last time...

2007-01-06T00:02:00.000+08:00

Finally after a long week of waiting my bass guitar finally came! But sadly the strings got screwed up and i have to bring it to a shop and restring it all over again. That gives me more stuff to do on my already busy saturday. Gotta bring the guitar to the shop at penisula plaza in the late morning. After that gotta go back to red hill for my cell group, then gotta go back to IMM to get something. All the while carrying my heavy ass guitar aloing. Lolz. What a day!

Today was a ok day for me, played ball in the morning but it was a slow day. Haha went to IMM to see Diana from long beach, i think i'll be working there during this few weeks so to earn the extra cash lolz. Then slacked at home all day long waiting for my guitar haha.

Well here's a pic of my guitar,

and also a few days ago there was this very beautiful rainbow that appeared around my area.

First Post In 2007...

2007-01-04T00:56:00.001+08:00

Its the year 2007 already, time past so fast. Went for my church the countdown party for the countdown. Glad to have ended 2006 with such nice memories. Thx to my 2 bros who came down and my brothers in my cell. 2006 was a year full of regrets, sadly things i have done have already been done. I'll be going for National Service i guess.

Would like to thank sharon, for bringing me to church and letting me know god.

To Stanley's, Shane's and Hui Min's the cell, glad to know you guys and girls and hope to have much more happy memories with you guys.

And to my Bros and Sis from 5/1 and my shatec class, hope u guys have a fruitful 2007.

To you Basketball Boys, hope we can meet up as often as possible for games and matches.

And to all my sistas, thx for being there when i feel down and cheering me up =)

I have been thinking about stuffs lately and there is something which i would like to share. Sometimes, do you feel as if you have been used? Only to be looked for only when someone is bored? Only when he or she has no one else to look for? And fogotten once everything is normal? Well, thats my own thinking some may think otherwise. 2006 has past and its time for a new start, a new beginning, a new year. Looking forward to 2007, wondering what is ahead of me. What i have to overcome. Hopefully i'll know alot more people, and my life wont be like how it used to be in 2006.

2006-12-26T17:38:00.001+08:00

Well yesterday was Christmas and the sermon before Christmas was about love. The bible says love fosters confidence, but why is it that i feel nothing but fear. Spent the first 6 hours of Christmas with my church friends. Was a fun and memorable moment but in my mind, there was one person in my mind.

I do not dare to confess my feelings for tat person, the fear of rejection sicks down deep onto my heart. Afraid that if i do confess she'll stay a distance from me. I guess its just an emotional barrier that i have not gotten over and i myself know that i am not the kinda guy she likes.

Christmas was spent staying at home eating turkey and some other stuffs. This year is kinda a boring one for me. Everyone else was working, hao came over in the afternoon and spent the rest of the day watching slam dunk. Was so pumped up for the match against qiang tian today but alas our fears came true.. it rained.. well the match was postponed. I wonder when we'll be able to find a time for the match again where everyone is free. 2007 is just round the corner and i wonder what god has installed for me next year. Hope by then I'll be able to start my journey of the G12 vision, and our cell band will be successful. 2007, i got a feeling its gonna be a real difficult journey for me with ups and downs. Well, with god by my side i am sure i will be able to get true everything as i have faith in god and he will not let anyone who believes in him down.

2006-12-16T11:24:00.000+08:00

Yst MoL was great! I felt the power of god's love everytime pastor khong preach that messege. How jesus died for us on the cross. Well gonna have another show tonight. Hope everything turns out well and we get better sits then we did last night. I had a very strange dream last night. Involving my sec class. Well we were on a bus ride home and everyone was dressed up and it was late at night so we were the only ones on the bus. i was sitting on the back row with shraon sin and mak, then in front of me was zc, and on the other end was sh. and in front of them was hz and wl. the funny thing was that on the tv in the bus it played something like thier prom night. The video was about the last day they were spending as students of commonwealth and times spent in school and all those stuffs. Watching the video i had a tear in my eye, and started to cry. And sh was crying too. Well, guess i just miss those times in secondary school with 5/1. Then here is the funny part. Sin leaned on mak and then mak leaned on me, they both fell asleep. And as usual i sit super low whenever i sit on the back row of the bus so ended up both thier body weight were on me and i could not get up. haha well then got woken up by a phone call. cant remember much of it anymore o well it was a wierd dream and jus wanted to post it here haha.

2006-12-13T03:46:00.000+08:00

Finally got back from malaysia, got back like 4 hours ago, unpacked my stuffs and brought barnet's shirt to his out and went for supper. Feels great to be at home. haha. missed my com so much.
Well, the trip was a fun one and guess who i met at KL just an hour before i was leaving for SG. Joel! haha, he was there with his family. The trip back was horrible as there was a mistake from the staff at the hotel saying tat we gotta wait for the bus at another hotel and we only had 15 mins to get there. But the truth is tat its alright to wait for the bus at our own hotel as it would be coming here too, well we ended up running to and fro the hotels before we all got pissed off and settled down to wait for the bus. Well so much for our last day. Brought some stuffs back with me as well, a new pair of bb shoe, a baby milo sweater, 2 shirt and a levi jeans. haha. Could have brought 2 more shirts but the shop did not accept any card. haha did not have enough cash on hand, and did not have the time to change currency either. The bus was coming. It was a 5 hour ride back. The bus was great, watched a few movies in there. Personal tv screens as well haha. watched seven swords and elektra. And before i knew it i was back in singapore. haha. Well its 4 am in the mornin now and i think i had better get to sleep. I am not really tired actually. Well thats all for todae.

2006-12-11T01:03:00.000+08:00

Now i am at my hotel's lobby using the net lolz, not much ppl online that i can chat with, i realised that i cant survive without a computer. haha life feels so wierd, todae is a sunday and i usually go for service. feels wierd not going to expo. Listening to some live band singing song lolz think the song name is ye lai xiang and the amazing thing is its a malay band! haha cool right. and its all very accurate lolz. Well feel sick due to the rain from the first day, got all drenched and got a flu and a sore throat. Hai... damn sick, took 4 hours getting from JB to KL by a car! goodness my legs went numb after the ride. then when i got to the hotel it got even worse. my nose got blocked haha. a funny thing jus happen, the malay singer is singing a cantonese song! bloody amazing! lolz. well i think i gotta stop here liaoz and get back to my hotel. still got a long day ahead, well cya guys when i get back to SG

2006-11-30T20:01:00.000+08:00

1 more day till my encounter camp. Somehow i feel both excited and afraid. Wondering how it would turn out, wondering if i would have a personal encounter with god.
Today turned out alright. Watched tv for the whole afternoon. Funny thing is normally i have lots to blog once i start blogging but today, my mind is a blank.
Went to watch happy feet yst, with jess, song, mak and sin. Started the day by playing pool at WCRC in the afternoon with song and jess. Played for awhile and then went to wheelock place cause jess wanted to go do nydc for interview but too bad she cant work there cause thier looking for someone who can work for a minimum of 6 mths. While walking my crave for food hit me and i asked if they wanted to eat sakae sushi haha. Its been a while since i have eaten sakae, esp the buffet. Well we all ate till the food was up to our necks and we were basically forcing ourself to eat jus to clear the food on our table. haha. It was a rather funny situation, song was complaining about his hang over from drinking with his boss and his so called "suger mummy" haha that jess named for him. Well that another story so i'll continue with mine. And jess was complaining that when ever she goes out with us she'll gain 5 kg haha. Thats the price to pay when u come out with us lolz cause we will entertain you. After eating we decided to head to paragon and look for sin. Kept making fun of jess cause paragon is a so called "rich's man place." Me and song did not even know which shop was where but jess walked around like it was her backyard haha. Well found out later tat sin was working at the bra section of metro and we walked over to look for her. To cut a long story short we met her after her work and went to take a bus over to plaza sing to meet up with sharon and watch happy feet. Song was so blur tat when sharon came up from the escalator he did not see her and was leaning against the rail trying to spot her. haha. Brought tics for 6:30 show and it was the 5th row from the front. My neck was hurting after the movie but it was worth it haha. The movie is damn cute esp those baby penguins. haha. So fat and chubby. I jus love the way they talk and walk. There was one rapping penguin haha and there was a group of 5 pengiuns which were so hyper haha. They are all jus so cute. Well after that we went for a short game of pool again and we all headed back to take the MRT. Me, song and jess went to to take the train home while both sharon went to mac to wait for zkent. In the train we were pack like sardine for one stop. Thank goodness its only one stop haha. The rest of the train rides were alright as we got to sit down for a while. Jess got scolded by her mum for going home late, so much for the good girl image lolz. Speaking of mums, my mum is so strange lately. She has been smsing me asking where i am and what time i am coming back as early as 10. and its getting real irritating. Even though i said i am coming home now she'll ask again where am i and when i am coming back. Its not as if i was in pri school or something. Well, i guess the post is rather long now so i'll stop here. Gotta prepare my stuff for the camp tml.

2006-11-24T16:51:00.000+08:00

Last night was my ex class the prom night, wished i was there with them man. They made it sound so fun. Well met up with cheng, song, fei, mark, teo, joseph, zc, alina, jess, ken and wendy at lao pat sat. Ate and chit chat there. I am glad they had plans, was feeling so fustrated at home and did not wanna stay in my room. After eating we crapped around thinking aobut where to go. Ended up walking to esplanade where the merlion was and sat there till 6 in the mornin before cabbing home. While we were there, we talked about our childhood, all the shows we use to watch, tome and jerry, swat cats, teletubbies(yes we do watch it during our childhood), and the most common power rangers. haha. yea childhood was fun. everyone was so lartagic that night. guess its cause of the cooling atmosphere there that made everyone just wanna sit there and enjoy the breeze and think about the past few years. I went to sit on the steps near the merlion and i was only a few steps away from the river. Sitting there made me think of the past few years, how i got to know them till i left the school. Kinda regreted it actually. Wasted alot of my time in there. did not treasure the time i had in there too. My good buddies and sisters from the class. Dont think we would meet up that often anymore. Eventhough many in my class would say our class has lots of conflicts, well its true but i believe every single one of them that has been together from 2001 to 2006 will agree with this, all of us will be remembered in everyone's mind and heart. Those crappy times we spent during PE lessons in sec 1, the times when we ran up and down changing from our Uniform to our PE attire. To those times in adam khoo where we all kinda bonded as one. Those were the times. Well to everyone in 5/1, wish u guys good luck in the future. And remember, We'll always be the best team in commonwealth.